The Exec are in charge of all the management and organising of the club.
Chairman: Ed Hannah Aka Frodo
Year : 3rd
Job description: Runs the Club, commands the drinking circle
Bible Entry : After growing up in the Shire he saw the light and left middle earth in search of Lancaster and LUMHC. If not in Keystones may be found motorboating ‘big Soph'. He spent the majority of tour asleep and holds the world record for most shoes balanced on a human body. Takes over as chairman this year but is yet to find his foreskin.
Vice-Chairman: Craig McDonald Aka Bigface
Year : 3rd
Job description: Does stuff that Frodo delegates to him… e.g. does the work you can't do drunk……
Bible Entry : Has a big face, regularly spits his King size dummy out during matches, and is the only man known to have been arrested during a match, probably for eating the opposition strikeforce. Represented the 1 st team and made an instant impression scoring an own goal. A regular in the drinking circle and takes over the role of vice-chairman. Scientists will one day realise that Craig is actually the missing link from ape to man.
First Team Captain : Dave Bayliss Aka Dead Dave
Year : 3rd
Job description: Picks the 1 st Team
Bible Entry : Became ‘Dead Dave' on first social with LUMHC, as he began a close friendship with Lancaster Royal Infirmary's finest doctors. He has proceeded to go the recovery area several times in his 1st year, hopefully next year he can repeat this feat and even get his parents on their speed dial list.
First Team Vice-Captain : Matt Bayley Aka Fatty Fatty Pie Boy
Year : 3rd
Job description: Thinks he helps to pick the 1 st Team…..
Bible Entry : The oldest member in the club currently pushing the age of 30. Part of the slowest back 4 ever to have graced a hockey pitch and he is currently championing the return of the ‘fat back four', and looking to recruit Craggers, Mary and Ali to join his line up. If you come across this man on his own please inform the exec immediately as it means that he has been allowed out by his girlfriend and this must be published.
Second Team Captain: James McClaughlin Aka JMC
Year : 3rd
Job description: Picks the 2 nd Team
Bible Entry : Has had a good season in nets for the 2nds, although has a severe disability known as the 2nds defence! This however, is not James real disability, he persists to drink a foreign blue liquid on a Wednesday night and abstains from the amber nectar that is snakey b.
Third Team Pride : Steve
Year : 3rd
Job description: Picks the 3rd Team
Bible Entry : What is his real name? (obviously Steve!). Likes to believe that his position as 3rd team captain and website officer overrules chairman – two positions are apparently better than one! A chief recruiter for the club, and is responsible for Pete the Quim and Adam the hat! Took Mikey under his wing early on.
Social Secretary: Jack Keating Aka Flaps
Year : 2nd
Job description: In Charge of Fun and Carleton Tickets
Bible Entry : Not to be mistaken for Napoleon Dynamite this boy has some silky skills although needs to learn to run rather than scuttle. Built like Mr Burns he can often be seen pumping iron in the gym. Watch out for his regal presence in the circle next year but be warned do not cross the Flap Daddy.
Social Secretary: Ian Lawrence Aka Average Ian
Year : 2nd
Job description: In Charge of Fun and Carleton Tickets
Bible Entry: The better of the two though still distinctly average! Took one for the team when he stepped up to the 2nds to keep a certain player hidden from the rest of the club.
Safety / Spaff Officer: Iain Thomas Aka Shit Iain
Year : 3rd
Job description: Has a First Aid badge….. we hope
Bible Entry : Flatmates with Flaps and Average Iain where do we begin…. Joined the club to pursue his love for Lois but fell out with her after she shoved a pencil up his arse. Improved the morale of the club with some stories at Roses, his drinking ability is undeniably SHIT. The only man in L.U.M.H.C to possess a ‘crumple zone' as well as being by far the hairiest man in the university. Yet to be waxed due to ‘health and safety reasons',
Publicity Officer : Mikey Pugh Aka Michael Pugh's been in you, Carleton
Year : 2nd
Job description: In Charge of Posters
Bible Entry : Fun loving white male seeking female companion for adult relations. Experienced in the bedroom with STD free certificate available upon request. Socially active but exceptionally slow on a pint. Sporty personality and enjoys scoring Roses wonder goals. Please no time wasters or lonely hearts. If interested contact Michael Pugh at michaelpughhasbeeninyou@hotmail.co.uk
Website Officer : Steve
Year : 3rd
Job description: Does the Website and takes Photos
Bible Entry : What is his real name? (obviously Steve!). Likes to believe that his position as 3 rd team captain and website officer overrules chairman – two positions are apparently better than one! A chief recruiter for the club, and is responsible for Pete the Quim and Adam the hat! Took Mikey under his wing early on.
Treasurer: Siddarth Bandari Aka Sid
Year : 3rd
Job description: Embezzles and Launders the Clubs money
Bible Entry : Discovered that Bollywood whores are a mere £5, so he f***ed 10 of them! Is the cannon in disguise – and what a disguise it is!! Apparently the clubs treasurer this year, watch out for cheap curries and Cobra snakebite. He is also the only man in the club to have a vibrator stuck up his arse by a girl. ( Except for maybe Matt the Chat but this is yet to be confirmed)